Look At This Madness

Back in July, life threw a curveball and I wound up pregnant, quite surprisingly, again. You know when society (and the box it comes in) says the morning after pill works as long as you take it within 72 hours? Well, I took it 12 hours later and it didn’t work. I thought I was being responsible for preventing pregnancy and it turns out life had other plans, and that’s okay. But those of you who would implode if they got pregnant, NEVER use plan B/ the morning after pill. I did some research and found if you ovulate within that window before you take the pill, it essentially becomes ineffective if there are some strong swimmers in there. So $40 later that tiny little thing was pointless. I was about 4 weeks along the process when I figured out what was happening. My period was late, which it had been for the last 5 months due to stress I presume, but something inside me said it wasn’t just a late period. I had an old test lying around. It was about 6am and I decided to take it before my...

Just a heads up, this post is going to be personal... And this photo accurately sums up how I feel about the pill.  I started taking the pill around 16 years old to regulate my periods. Since then, I have taken it on and off for the last 6 years. Each time, it has had a pretty negative impact. They tell you it takes 3 months to adjust and though this might be true, I am 100% certain some of us will never adjust, take myself for example, after being on the pill for 7 months this go around.  "Are you taking it at the same time every day?" YES. I have an alarm set. Now that that is answered, lets move along.  Here are some side effects I experienced from taking the pill and how they have changed in the 3 weeks I have been off of it.  1. Extreme depression, mood swings, lots of crying. I had days where I literally did not want to live. All I could do was sit on the couch and hate my life, wanting to end it. This might sound extreme but every bit is...

What have I done I'm feeling so down When will this end When will my life begin I feel so trapped My head is screaming The voices all around There's so much sound What will I be? What will I do? Go left, go write Which one is right? "Creative doesn't pay" "Medical is needed" "Sell this for me" "Why isn't it working?" "I need a painter" "Do what's best for you" What is best for me? Who am I anymore So long self identity I used to know I used to believe There used to be hope Now I just hope it ends What is the point? Live to work Send off your love Hello baby sitter My heart is hers And oh does it hurt To know to survive There must be so much sacrifice Am I wasted potential? How do I believe? I want to believe in me I want to see What am I meant for? What am I meant to do? More than just struggle? More than be a mother? More than this shitty room? In this shitty house...

Dating someone for the first time after a terrible break up can be fun yet also terrifying. After splitting with my daughter's father I took a year to focus on my daughter and me and remained male free (well mostly).  After the year was up a guy I had previously dated found his way back into my life and we started back up again. I had no walls, no second thoughts, no lock on my heart. He was pretty good with my daughter. Never harsh with her, just shy and mildly uninvolved. I figured he would adjust. It felt like we had a future, after all, we had dated before. I wasn't scared. I gave him all of me and in return, months later he said he never saw a future for us because my daughter was not his. To say it bluntly, DICK MOVE. It hurt. I can't imagine stringing someone along for months only to tell them it was never going to work because of an innocent child not being theres. My daughter and I are much better off without him, to say the least. Unfortunately, this one left ...

At the end of the day I hold her tight before laying my daughter down for sleep. We say a prayer and I tell her to "give mama kisses." We give kisses and down she goes. I walk out quietly, close the door and sigh. It is usually around 9pm, not 7:30pm like everyone else seems to stick with. But I am okay with that. Most of the time I go to sleep right after putting her down. As long as I know she isn't going to wake back up from the light noise of me getting in bed across from her crib. Throughout the night we wake each other up so often I end up on the couch, which is okay too. The day usually starts around 5:30 am - 6 am. I roll out of bed (or couch) and make us both spinach and eggs or tofu for breakfast, about halfway through the process she wakes up. "Mama!" I pause to make sure I did in fact here her call. "Mama!" Some mornings she even wakes up singing my name in her own little melody. She always has to have her "baby" in her ar...

My uncle passed away last year so my aunt is having an estate sale and moving back to Scotland, where she is from. My mom and her friend were at the house organizing the sale with my aunt. Because I was working this morning, my daughter Ella was with them as well. After working a couple of hours, my sister and I met up at the house and we all went to grab lunch. Little did I know what was about to happen on the car ride over. Ella was quiet on the quick drive, a normal thing. But when I got out of the car and went around to open Ella's door, she had managed to take Aunties (my sister's) lipstick with her and got it EVERYWHERE. Of course it was a red tube of lipstick, so it was almost terrifying to see when I opened her door. I may have screamed. (definitely screamed). We laughed about it, cleaned her up as best as we could and went inside the restaurant. Towards the end of the meal Ella was getting fussy, as she needed a nap after playing with two Scottish Terrier...

She stands in front of them, a boy about 8 and a girl around 10. The boy and girl are sitting in chairs waiting while she rarely stays still. At a one and a half, she is a social butterfly full of hugs, waves and smiles. She stands there waving with an ear to ear grin, "Hi." Nothing. She pats the girls knee, still smiling. Nothing. The girl looks up for a moment and a glimmer of hope appears in the toddler's eyes, but the moment is over as the girl and boy continue to stare zombified... ...into cell phones. Whether you realize it or not, cell phones are going to continue to weaken society. All the toddler wanted was a friendly human interaction and it seems so much of society has forgotten what that is. Enjoying someones company is not getting together and staring at your phones. With that said, it is angering to see little babies and toddlers zombified with cell phones while mommy is at the grocery store or the mall. Phones should NEVER be used as a baby sitte...

You can never have to much... 1. Coffee If it were humanly possible to replace all my liquid intake with just coffee, I would do it. All day, Every day. 2. Nestle Pure Life Not only did this water test to have the last amount of plastic particles as any bottled water, but it is also a neutral ph, which makes it the best option when you're on a budget, like me! 3. Baby kisses and giggles Baby kisses and giggles might be two of my favorite things. I could listen to my daughter laugh all day. 4. Panties I mean, come on, do I even have to explain this one? 5. Bralettes Since I stopped nursing, my boobs have gotten a lot smaller then they were, even before I had my daughter. I am currently on a bralette binge, because, who wants under-wrire? I don't. 6. Bobby pins Being a mom to a one and a half year old means you have to be quick when you get ready in the morning. My go to is taking my front bang and bobby pinning it back, a messy bun, or french braids. all if which r...

Where have you gone? I miss you I miss the feeling I miss the high I keep thinking you'll come back And capture me like you used to Give me hope Make me smile Make me feel invincible You've been gone a while now Our longest separation And it's killing me I used to feel free You made me feel alive Now I feel lost and unsure I feel run down And tired Don't worry though I am happier now Despite the lack of you I am happier I know you'll come back When the timing is right I will write I will feel you coursing my mind and body Until then I will miss you And wait

Being a mom has made me... more confident stronger want to live a healthy lifestyle feel inspired laugh cry realize how far I have come realize how far I have to go struggle at times forget what sleep was a baby person more caring willing to sacrifice feel more complete than I knew was possible forget about me at times love baby giggles more than anything more understanding more considerate want to exercise want to live my best life happy a better person.

1. Going to the Park. Whether you have a child or not,  the park is a great way to find relaxation. Now that my daughter is interested in everything and walking around everywhere, the park has become a pretty regular place for us. Even if she's more interested in the wood chips over the slides for the time being. 2. Walk or run in your neighborhood.  Running is a vital part to my week. It is great exercise and a perfect stress reliever. Starting out can be a challenge but once you get over the hump, running will be something you look forward to. 3. Window shopping. The mall has also become a pretty regular place for us and you don't have to have a child to find it relaxing. We walk around the mall without spending a dime usually once a week. People watching provides entertainment at any stage in life. 4. Kick back and relax in the front or back yard.  Studies have shown that being outside is good for your overall health. Take a moment and enjoy the world around...

As a mom I am all about all natural, happy, healthy, organic, etc. to the point my friends and family are annoyed at times.  I was at Target a few months back and came across a new line of perfume called Good Chemistry . Of course I had only gone in for a new blouse but that is how going to Target plays out. You go in for one thing and come out with twenty. After browsing the cosmetic department I wound up purchasing the Good Chemistry scent known as ' Wild Child ' not only because it is totally appropriate in regards to the kind of person I am, but it is vegan, pareben-free and made with essential oils. It is everything I love in a bottle. On Target.com, this scent is described as "...a just right composition of instinct and identity that designs a life that pops with personality. Fragrance notes of bergamot, coconut, and bamboo make our Wild Child body mist mischievous + bright with looks to match." If you have not already I would highly recommend going to ch...

Routine. Schedule. Maintain. Just some of the words I hear as a mom, on a regular basis. The three words I have loathed for nearly the whole of my daughter's life. I am not one for routines, it is nice to maintain variety and change, not routine. My daughter was nearly one year old by the time I finally grew to be more open to maintaining a schedule and it has proven to be very helpful. My excuse before routines entered our lives? "I can't make her tired, or hungry or want to go to sleep." Finally, after my stubborn self decided to try this "routine" thing moms are always talking about, she sleeps and eats pretty regularly now: 6:00 am: Wake up 6:30 am: Eat breakfast 7:45 am: Drop her off with her grandparents; at some point, she eats another meal 9:00 am: It's nap time! 12:00 pm: Time to get my love bug from grandparents 12:30pm -1:00 pm: she eats another meal 3:00pm - 4:00 pm: Nap time again! 5:00pm - 6:00 pm: It's dinner time! ...

Every time I hear 'Hey there Delilah' by the Plain White T's,  it takes me back to when I was 15 years old and dating a guy I was certain I would marry. We were in a long distance relationship for a year and a half and this was basically our song - well for me it was.  When I was 15 I thought I had my whole life planned, well, not so much. I will be turning twenty-two in September and I am more lost now then I have ever been. Truth is, I didn't expect to get pregnant, married, divorced, to living with my daughter at my parent's house, in less than two years.  Sounds crazy, right? Now I am struggling to be a mom, figure out who I am and how I am going to make a living for my daughter and myself.  In the last year it almost seems my identity has escaped me. Who am I besides a mom? What were my relationships like before I had my daughter? What do people talk about when they don't have kids? These questions aren't necessarily bad but I'd like t...

There are some things you might want to know before going to Disneyland, during the summer, with a one-year-old. Disneyland not only tires your child out but will certainly make you want to take a nap along side the ducks that are scattered throughout the park. 1. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT forget your stroller. My 20 pound child is not heavy until I have to carry her around an entire amusement park. On the bright side, my arms are sore today, which means progress... right? With that said, the park does offer complementary strollers but I guess you could say I am stubborn and like to avoid germs. I like to think holding her over the strenuous journey through Disneyland only brought us closer together. 2. You might actually melt. Summertime is nice and all, but not when it is 95 degrees and surprisingly, there is not a whole lot of shade. Disneyland should consider installing steamers throughout the park. If my baby, that isn't doing a whole lot of waking, has dew drops on her ...

1. If you can't see the whip cream it isn't there.  ie) Ordering a warm latte from Starbucks: The cup is not clear, the lid's not clear, the whip cream can't be seen, so it isn't even there, don't think about it, just drink it 2. A Rubik's cube is held together through sorce ry.  ie) The cube can be twisted in any direction, sorcery is the only thing that makes sense. 3. Be careful, belly buttons lead to your innards.  ie) Growing up I never let anyone bury me at the beach, no now wants sand in their body. 4. Spinach will solve your problems ie) Going to the bathroom. Need I say more? 5. All you need for your feet is a nice pedicure and a good pair of flip flops. ie) My orange toes and flip flop tan.

PC: cluestolife.wordpress.com 1. If a stop sign is enclosed in a gate, it does not exist 2. Speed bumps: bumps you speed over 3. Want a cookie? Oatmeal raisin is always healthy. Go for it. 4. If you say "take me home" and refuse to get out of the car, things will sort out...eventually. 5. If your car was made after 1977 and before 2005, there's no point in a car wash 6. Honey Nut Cheerios are never filling. It's the hole. 7. Any time you make food and it turns out looking abnormal, say it's Greek. Greek food is always acceptable despite appearance. 8. Say you had 3 hours of sleep and the following day a 2 hour nap. That means you slept 3 hours. 9. Dark chocolate is always healthy. No guilt, just pleasure. 10. Say three people you know are sick and you sneeze three times. Only one thing makes sense: the world is falling apart. 11. If you find yourself needing to walk on wet grass while wearing flip flops, tiptoe run, your feet get l...

I came across a sports magazine and on the back I read “What are they afraid of?” This statement stood out to me not only because of the bright red X but it got me thinking about Keepster Pro, a lock retaining device in the storage industry. So my question to storage owners: What are you afraid of? This product is a one time purchase that will save you from making multiple purchases on simply repairing your doors, time and time again. Damage expenses are drastically cut because Keepster Pro prevents the damage from ever occurring. Not only this, but any damage that does occur to the latch or header after the installation, can be placed back on the tenant. Sure, $15.00 installed for a piece of metal to hold the lock sounds expensive but when you get down to the nitty-gritty of it, you spend $15.00 plus simply replacing the latch when cost, downtime and labor are added up. To be clear, Keepster Pro is more than a piece of metal, it is a money saver, it satisfies custome...

 Beauty is all around you. It is as simple as taking a moment to stop and admire the roses after the morning rain.  Notice how the water droplets have visually texturized the petals. Notice the crispness of the air. Notice the vibrant colors of the flowers and how rain makes even the flowers look happy. Slow down. As we have all been told life moves quickly. Before you know it the petals will shrivel and fall. The trees will look bare and dry.  Notice the beauty all around you. Appreciate and absorb your surroundings.  The falling of the petals mean another year has passed. Time is valuable, make every second count.

Breakfast is not only the suggested most important meal of the day but it is also my personal favorite. The possibilities are endless with a single egg. Most of the time my go to is far too much spinach with an egg tossed in and a splash of cream. At the end, a sprinkle of cheese, maybe some sour cream and a piece of toast to finish off the meal. Coffee on the side of course.  My new favorite however, is my breakfast sandwich and yogurt parfait. It's simple but definitely gets the job done. Butter instead of oil in the pan. (yum) Egg over medium. When the egg is ready, get one slice of sourdough bread, cut it in half and a slice of Gouda or cheddar cheese.  Put your sandwich together in the pan and wait for bread to brown slightly on both sides.  Once that is done I open up the sandwich and add sour cream to the side of bread that was touching the egg along with spinach or arugula.  While the sandwich is cooking in the pan I make my parfait. Stra...