The Reality of Being a Single Mom

At the end of the day I hold her tight before laying my daughter down for sleep. We say a prayer and I tell her to "give mama kisses." We give kisses and down she goes. I walk out quietly, close the door and sigh. It is usually around 9pm, not 7:30pm like everyone else seems to stick with. But I am okay with that.

Most of the time I go to sleep right after putting her down. As long as I know she isn't going to wake back up from the light noise of me getting in bed across from her crib. Throughout the night we wake each other up so often I end up on the couch, which is okay too.

The day usually starts around 5:30 am - 6 am. I roll out of bed (or couch) and make us both spinach and eggs or tofu for breakfast, about halfway through the process she wakes up. "Mama!" I pause to make sure I did in fact here her call. "Mama!" Some mornings she even wakes up singing my name in her own little melody.

She always has to have her "baby" in her arms before leaving the crib. Though lately this has included three babies, which is all she can hold in her tiny arms. I put her on a chair and finish cooking. Sometimes she doesn't want to let go so I hold her away form the stove on my hip.

We eat our breakfast and then go to get dressed, which can be like a circus if I have to chase her around the house. One morning, I found her standing on the dining room table. I've got a climber on my hands.

We leave about 7:15am for her grandparents to watch her while I work.

I never look forward to 7:15. Life is torn in two.

Everyday is a battle. I want to have her with me always but one must also make money and I am not even sure how to feel successful at that. Everything feels so loud. Noise in every direction I look. My mind is screaming at me. Overthinking, stressing, terrified, confused, lost. Make it stop! What do I do?

What do I do? And then I look at her. She might be a hyper two year old but she brings me peace. We will figure something out my girl, we always do.

Comments

Saftey Hazards Aren't Always A Bad Thing

As much as I’d love for the house to be pristine at all hours of the day, it isn’t. And recently, I’ve learned that this is perfectly OK. Just five years ago, I refused to go to sleep unless the house looked flawless and the sink was completely empty. Every surface had to be wiped down, every toy put away, every last dish cleaned. Now, we go to sleep most nights with a sink full of dishes and at least one part of the house in total disarray. Sometimes it’s a carefully arranged doll village set up in my room. Other times it’s glitter and tiny cut-up pieces of paper scattered across the playroom floor, a fort taking over the living room, or some wildly elaborate animal-and-blanket fortress creeping up the stairs. And honestly? That’s okay. On the bright side, the sink is full of dishes because we ate good food together. The doll village exists because my daughters are creating stories, imagining family dynamics, and bonding as sisters. The glitter and scraps of paper mean they’re experim...

The Perfect Man

I’m pretty sure I just saw the man of my dreams… And now he’s gone… Forever. I was at the post office getting money orders when a handsome cowboy walks in right behind me. He had a nice brown cowboy hat, blue button up shirt, some rather nice fitting jeans and boots, of course. At that moment I realized something….. I should probably start dressing better. I was wearing a Lion King sweatshirt with black cutoff shorts and sandals. Not even cute sandals, they were basically slides but for a boat. If that makes sense. I stood there in line, trying to look as confident and pretty as possible, but you can only be so pretty with your hair in a bun wearing a sweatshirt and grungy shorts. I made attempts to steal glances at him, but he didn’t notice. It wasn’t long until I was called up to the cashier and was then having to socialize with the cashier while he printed my money orders. The cowboy was right beside me with the other teller and all I could do was try to s...

Targeting the Girls

Hey Target I’m calling you out. Can you please explain to me your little girl's section? Why does the majority look like 90s clothing from a TEEN movie? For 5-12-year-olds to wear? Why should this age group be encouraged to wear a pencil skirt or a skin-tight dress? What about the cropped tops? In what world should a 5-12-year-old be encouraged to wear a bustier-styled top? Or a dress with netting? It is sad to say in THIS world. Dear Target you are a part of the problem with society. TARGETING the children. Making 10-year-olds dress like young adults with hemlines far shorter than a 5-12-year-old should wear. Hemlines and necklines that teens and 20 something’s are wearing to go out. Styles are far too identical to the “juniors” section, once again, targeting teens and young adults. So now the style from 5-20 something’s are the same? I was almost struggling to differentiate little girls from the lady’s section. There are dress styles you would find women wearing while wa...

Look At This Madness

Search This Blog