The Reality of Being a Single Mom

At the end of the day I hold her tight before laying my daughter down for sleep. We say a prayer and I tell her to "give mama kisses." We give kisses and down she goes. I walk out quietly, close the door and sigh. It is usually around 9pm, not 7:30pm like everyone else seems to stick with. But I am okay with that.

Most of the time I go to sleep right after putting her down. As long as I know she isn't going to wake back up from the light noise of me getting in bed across from her crib. Throughout the night we wake each other up so often I end up on the couch, which is okay too.

The day usually starts around 5:30 am - 6 am. I roll out of bed (or couch) and make us both spinach and eggs or tofu for breakfast, about halfway through the process she wakes up. "Mama!" I pause to make sure I did in fact here her call. "Mama!" Some mornings she even wakes up singing my name in her own little melody.

She always has to have her "baby" in her arms before leaving the crib. Though lately this has included three babies, which is all she can hold in her tiny arms. I put her on a chair and finish cooking. Sometimes she doesn't want to let go so I hold her away form the stove on my hip.

We eat our breakfast and then go to get dressed, which can be like a circus if I have to chase her around the house. One morning, I found her standing on the dining room table. I've got a climber on my hands.

We leave about 7:15am for her grandparents to watch her while I work.

I never look forward to 7:15. Life is torn in two.

Everyday is a battle. I want to have her with me always but one must also make money and I am not even sure how to feel successful at that. Everything feels so loud. Noise in every direction I look. My mind is screaming at me. Overthinking, stressing, terrified, confused, lost. Make it stop! What do I do?

What do I do? And then I look at her. She might be a hyper two year old but she brings me peace. We will figure something out my girl, we always do.

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