Look At This Madness

Finding a sense of self identity as a solo mom can be hard. I've been struggling to figure out what makes me happy, aside from my daughter. So I took a moment and asked myself, when am I happy? Whenever I'm outside. So Fourth of July morning my daughter (who will be two on Sunday!!!!) and I hiked up to Pumpkin Rock, in Norco. I only fell on my arse once on the downhill. Definitely did not sit there a moment pretending I did it on purpose in case anyone was watching.  I have taken two different ways up the hill and both are pretty steep. Generally, I don't know if I would recommend this hike to moms with two year olds for that reason. Along with the fact there is a lot of broken glass mixed in with the sand at the top. I don't know about your child, but mine loves to throw sand. If you have good shoes on and know how to make proper foot placements then definitely go fo it though. Ella had a blast and so did I.  Moving along...  Truth be told, the nasty thi...

Where have you gone? I miss you I miss the feeling I miss the high I keep thinking you'll come back And capture me like you used to Give me hope Make me smile Make me feel invincible You've been gone a while now Our longest separation And it's killing me I used to feel free You made me feel alive Now I feel lost and unsure I feel run down And tired Don't worry though I am happier now Despite the lack of you I am happier I know you'll come back When the timing is right I will write I will feel you coursing my mind and body Until then I will miss you And wait

I googled the word 'happiness' and the example sentence was, "She struggled to find happiness in her life." At first it gave me a chuckle but the more I thought about it, this is actually kind of sad. Okay Google, why would you choose a depressing sentence to express a joyful word? Shouldn't it say something like, "She found happiness in her life" or "She was overwhelmed with happiness in her life"...?  My happiness is about perspective.  At times the silver lining seems nonexistent. When I am feeling down in the dumps, I have to stop and think, we are all going through something. Each and every person has had something happen in their life that is less than wonderful, it is simply a matter of how the negativity is handled.  Right now it is a struggle living with my daughter in a small room at my moms making $20 or less a day.  Growing up, I always thought I would be happily married before having a kid and my husband and I wo...

My beautiful daughter, Ella Sylvia, was born on 7 - 7 - 17 at 9:55 pm weighing 6 pounds, 15 ounces at 20 and a quarter inches long. It has been 12 days and so far I've come to learn a few things I hadn't otherwise known. 1. Mother instincts are real. It wasn't until my own baby that I actually had a "thing" for babies. Before Ella they were just these little animatronic type creatures that cried and needed diaper changes. Now that I have my own little creature, she's so much more than that. She's my life, my joy, my little bean and all in all, these first 12 days have been SO MUCH easier than I ever thought they would be. 2. Diaper changes aren't bad AT ALL! Not going to lie, it took me a good three or four days to change a diaper all by myself - my first diaper change ever, might I add. My husband was thankfully right on top of changing her whereas I was merely an observant bystander for the first few days. 3. Once the milk comes in, your boob...

It's no lie, most of us know I have dated, talked to, and "girl-friended" a lot of guys. And for what? Because I can't stand to be alone? Because I like the attention? Because I want to figure out what I want in a future spouse? Because it's fun and I get tired of the last one? The truth is, I believe everyone deserves a chance. Naturally, I am a bubbly individual and as one of my friends said, I am also a "boy magnet." Keep in mind I say that as humbly as humble gets. I don't know why, I can't help it - guys enter my life as easily as change goes in a jar. I enjoy talking to people and generally get a long better with guys (I feel there is a shortage of females in Riverside) yet at the same time, I have lost a lot of friends because they begin liking me past just being friends. Looking at love-life past, I would only consider two relationships to be serious. One two years and the other a year and a half. Aside from that, some were flings - w...