Skip to main content

Hiking Uphill


Finding a sense of self identity as a solo mom can be hard. I've been struggling to figure out what makes me happy, aside from my daughter. So I took a moment and asked myself, when am I happy?

Whenever I'm outside. So Fourth of July morning my daughter (who will be two on Sunday!!!!) and I hiked up to Pumpkin Rock, in Norco. I only fell on my arse once on the downhill. Definitely did not sit there a moment pretending I did it on purpose in case anyone was watching. 

I have taken two different ways up the hill and both are pretty steep. Generally, I don't know if I would recommend this hike to moms with two year olds for that reason. Along with the fact there is a lot of broken glass mixed in with the sand at the top. I don't know about your child, but mine loves to throw sand. If you have good shoes on and know how to make proper foot placements then definitely go fo it though. Ella had a blast and so did I.  Moving along... 

Truth be told, the nasty thing known as depression has had it's fighting grasp on me for the last two years. Half the time I'm more confused than anything. Why do I feel like this? I have a beautiful daughter, I don't pay rent, I am not living on the street nor do I have any serious health condition. My life is pretty good. 

At the same time, I feel lost, terrified, confused, hopeless, weak, for reasons we don't need to get into right now. Everyone around you tells you what they think you should do and 90% of the time it is not all so constructive (the 10% is mainly my boyfriend, who always knows the right thing to say). 

My doctor prescribed me two different anti depressants and anti anxiety medications, none of which I took. I am determined to find happiness within myself, not from taking a pill. With that said, to each their own. I take anti anxiety pills as needed, so I am not against them, nor ashamed. 

So here we are, on the road to self discovery and finding joy in the life that I have. Gosh that sounds cheesy, but really though.

I don't know if anyone who is reading this might be going through a similar battle, but you are not alone. It will get better. Believe in yourself. 

What makes you happy? 

Do it. 


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Saftey Hazards Aren't Always A Bad Thing

As much as I’d love for the house to be pristine at all hours of the day, it isn’t. And recently, I’ve learned that this is perfectly OK. Just five years ago, I refused to go to sleep unless the house looked flawless and the sink was completely empty. Every surface had to be wiped down, every toy put away, every last dish cleaned. Now, we go to sleep most nights with a sink full of dishes and at least one part of the house in total disarray. Sometimes it’s a carefully arranged doll village set up in my room. Other times it’s glitter and tiny cut-up pieces of paper scattered across the playroom floor, a fort taking over the living room, or some wildly elaborate animal-and-blanket fortress creeping up the stairs. And honestly? That’s okay. On the bright side, the sink is full of dishes because we ate good food together. The doll village exists because my daughters are creating stories, imagining family dynamics, and bonding as sisters. The glitter and scraps of paper mean they’re experim...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Perfect Man

  I’m pretty sure I just saw the man of my dreams… And now he’s gone… Forever. I was at the post office getting money orders when a handsome cowboy walks in right behind me.   He had a nice brown cowboy hat, blue button up shirt, some rather nice fitting jeans and boots, of course. At that moment I realized something….. I should probably start dressing better. I was wearing a Lion King sweatshirt with black cutoff shorts and sandals. Not even cute sandals, they were basically slides but for a boat. If that makes sense. I stood there in line, trying to look as confident and pretty as possible, but you can only be so pretty with your hair in a bun wearing a sweatshirt and grungy shorts.   I made attempts to steal glances at him, but he didn’t notice. It wasn’t long until I was called up to the cashier and was then having to socialize with the cashier while he printed my money orders.   The cowboy was right beside me with the other teller and all I could do was try to s...
Post a Comment
Read more

Curve Ball

Back in July, life threw a curveball and I wound up pregnant, quite surprisingly, again. You know when society (and the box it comes in) says the morning after pill works as long as you take it within 72 hours? Well, I took it 12 hours later and it didn’t work. I thought I was being responsible for preventing pregnancy and it turns out life had other plans, and that’s okay. But those of you who would implode if they got pregnant, NEVER use plan B/ the morning after pill. I did some research and found if you ovulate within that window before you take the pill, it essentially becomes ineffective if there are some strong swimmers in there. So $40 later that tiny little thing was pointless. I was about 4 weeks along the process when I figured out what was happening. My period was late, which it had been for the last 5 months due to stress I presume, but something inside me said it wasn’t just a late period. I had an old test lying around. It was about 6am and I decided to take it before my...
1 comment
Read more