Look At This Madness

Dating someone for the first time after a terrible break up can be fun yet also terrifying. After splitting with my daughter's father I took a year to focus on my daughter and me and remained male free (well mostly).  After the year was up a guy I had previously dated found his way back into my life and we started back up again. I had no walls, no second thoughts, no lock on my heart. He was pretty good with my daughter. Never harsh with her, just shy and mildly uninvolved. I figured he would adjust. It felt like we had a future, after all, we had dated before. I wasn't scared. I gave him all of me and in return, months later he said he never saw a future for us because my daughter was not his. To say it bluntly, DICK MOVE. It hurt. I can't imagine stringing someone along for months only to tell them it was never going to work because of an innocent child not being theres. My daughter and I are much better off without him, to say the least. Unfortunately, this one left ...

Inside my head I'm screaming the noise never stops I am tired of feeling like an issue tissue after tissue I cry they think to themselves why why why? They place ideas and concepts on who they want me to be or who they think I am They are so scared  they don't even see the real me standing right here being open and honest and real I try to tell them how I feel And all of a sudden before I can finish these things are an issue I am not doing anything wrong I am trying my best to stay so strong I have a beautiful daughter who matters to me most and even that is put into question I am starting to feel more lost  I am closing the walls feel like they are caving they don't even see what I am craving I want to be close I want them to know who I am and want to be or at least help while I am on the way there I feel scared I want to raise her  while also succeeding how can I do both? we need to get away I don...

As a mom I am all about all natural, happy, healthy, organic, etc. to the point my friends and family are annoyed at times.  I was at Target a few months back and came across a new line of perfume called Good Chemistry . Of course I had only gone in for a new blouse but that is how going to Target plays out. You go in for one thing and come out with twenty. After browsing the cosmetic department I wound up purchasing the Good Chemistry scent known as ' Wild Child ' not only because it is totally appropriate in regards to the kind of person I am, but it is vegan, pareben-free and made with essential oils. It is everything I love in a bottle. On Target.com, this scent is described as "...a just right composition of instinct and identity that designs a life that pops with personality. Fragrance notes of bergamot, coconut, and bamboo make our Wild Child body mist mischievous + bright with looks to match." If you have not already I would highly recommend going to ch...

Crawlers and new walkers are notorious for putting anything and everything in their mouths. Here is a list of personal experiences to give fair warning and awareness to anyone with a little one. 1. Tiny Screws. I am listing this one first because we wound up in the ER. My mom had just moved into a new house and was painting a desk. She had taken the doors off to make for an easier paint job but for whatever reason left the tiny screws on the floor. Let's just say there were a total of 8 tiny screws and when I discovered what Ella was playing with, there were only seven screws. So we wound up in ER, thankfully, there was no screws in her tummy but it was not a fun experience to say the least.  2. Paper in any form. At 13 months old, her latest paper muse is the label you see on all water bottles. She also enjoys paper towels and receipts. SO be warned, if you need to save a receipt, keep it away from the baby!  3. The end of my iPhone charger. I know how bad this ...

When you have a baby, talking to yourself becomes a normal thing Why does everyone say they hate the smell of spit up? Her (or his) first words were "hi" and "mama".....yes, she was only 2 months old at the time, but it happened That whitish stain on you see everyday on my shoulder, thats called a name tag, it says "Mom" My baby is the cutest on the planet, obviously Completing a manicure yourself might mean you were only able to finish one hand What does it mean to sleep through the night again? Baby giggles are the best sound on the entire planet To your boobs: "Who are you two and why do you look like that?" At least your arms are looking nice and toned

As a mom who focuses on her baby more than anything, I am forgetful, and at times, clumsy, from trying to juggle a one year old and everything else happening around me. The day to visit my storage unit and drop off a baby walker, some baby toys, outgrown clothes and bouncer has arrived. Baby Ella is turning into her own little person who walks and moves around NON-STOP. We arrive and she is fussing from being in her car seat. I get her out of the carseat, unlock my unit, and set the lock on the ground. Baby Ella picks up the lock and looks up at me and smiles, as she continues her walking. Unloading the car, I get caught up looking at her tiny newborn clothes, not realizing she has dropped the lock on the ground, before coming over to hug my leg. Turning around I nearly trip over the lock while holding my daughter and the walker, and end up kicking the lock under a dresser and into the abyss that is my storage unit. SO, the one thing owners are missing in their...

When you have a baby, talking to yourself becomes a totally normal thing Why does everyone say they hate the smell of spit up? Her (or his) first words were "hi" and "mama".....yes, she was only 2 months old at the time, but it happened That spit up stain on you see everyday on my shoulder, that's called a name tag: "Mom" My baby is the cutest on the planet, obviously Baby wipes? You mean makeup removing wipes? Who needs a special burp rag that cost 10 dollars when you have kitchen towels? Imagine if I had as many clothes as my baby You know it's time for you to eat when baby starts crying Please, be happy and content for 10 minutes so I can get ready for the day I can't wait for you to start talking and walking Why can't she be the size of a loaf of bread again?! Babies can be blamed for any bad smell or when you're running late Why do people have more than one baby? Now I get why people have more babies ...

Yesterday I was at Goodwill with my mom and brother and while I was looking at the clothing, my brother asked me what "Paige as a mom" wanted for Christmas. It was in that moment I realized, I don't really know what I like any more. All I could think about was diapers or Starbucks and Starbucks really doesn't count. I've found myself trying to figure out what I actually like besides anything to do with Ella and boy, it's a tough one. When your little person comes into the world nothing else seems to matter - nothing.  What do moms like? I like face wash and face lotions or grocery shopping... Anything organic or all natural... plants are neat, like the scallions I'm proudly growing in a cup in the kitchen. The scallions are like my little plant children. I'm 21 years old and that's all I got on the list of 'what I like' - What an odd thing. Mom Likes: plants groceries face lotions eye cream organic all natural nifty cooking spa...

I had been getting a severe pain in my lower abdomen for a few days, to the point I felt I was going to pass out. It was terrible. At the time I was living in Washington with Matt and I didn't have access to a regular doctor's appointment because the closest Kaiser was in Oregon. The only option was to go to an emergency room but I didn't think something like this would be serious enough, so I put it off a few more days. Stress got the best of me in those few days. What if it were a cyst or worse, cancer?! I guess you could say I am a worry wart. So one night after I got off of work at Michael's we finally decided it was time for me to get checked out. We get to the Emergency room and they ask me a list of questions. "Is there a chance you are pregnant?" I didn't think so. One in a million chance. "Have you been bleeding?" I just got off of an 11 day period.  Next thing I know they roll me on over to get an ultra sound and as the tech get...

My beautiful daughter, Ella Sylvia, was born on 7 - 7 - 17 at 9:55 pm weighing 6 pounds, 15 ounces at 20 and a quarter inches long. It has been 12 days and so far I've come to learn a few things I hadn't otherwise known. 1. Mother instincts are real. It wasn't until my own baby that I actually had a "thing" for babies. Before Ella they were just these little animatronic type creatures that cried and needed diaper changes. Now that I have my own little creature, she's so much more than that. She's my life, my joy, my little bean and all in all, these first 12 days have been SO MUCH easier than I ever thought they would be. 2. Diaper changes aren't bad AT ALL! Not going to lie, it took me a good three or four days to change a diaper all by myself - my first diaper change ever, might I add. My husband was thankfully right on top of changing her whereas I was merely an observant bystander for the first few days. 3. Once the milk comes in, your boob...

Talk about madness, since my last post, I: -Dyed my hair blue -Moved to Washington from California -Dyed my hair reddish brown -Started working at Michaels Arts and Crafts Store -Found out I was pregnant -Moved back to California -Dyed my hair blonde -Got married to the love of my life -Moved into a 3 bedroom house -Started an Ebay account that I have high hopes for And now my days consist of: -Baby feet kicking my ribs and other organs, like my bladder -Baby clothes -Grocery shopping and cooking -Painting signs on old planks of wood -Trying to find as many people to do henna on as I can -Cleaning the house -Running errands -Selling anything I have on apps -Working for my mom So whether you read all of those or not, my following blog posts will be about the madness that is being a wife, cooking, and a soon to be mother and around July 8, when baby Ella is due, about being a stay at home mom. Heads up, I know absolutely nothing of babies, I have never really b...