Skip to main content

Noise

Inside my head I'm screaming

the noise never stops
I am tired of feeling like an issue
tissue after tissue I cry
they think to themselves
why why why?
They place ideas and concepts
on who they want me to be
or who they think I am
They are so scared 
they don't even see the real me
standing right here
being open and honest and real
I try to tell them how I feel
And all of a sudden
before I can finish
these things are an issue
I am not doing anything wrong
I am trying my best to stay so strong
I have a beautiful daughter
who matters to me most
and even that is put into question
I am starting to feel more lost 
I am closing
the walls feel like they are caving
they don't even see what I am craving
I want to be close
I want them to know
who I am and want to be
or at least help while I am on the way there
I feel scared
I want to raise her 
while also succeeding
how can I do both?
we need to get away
I don't know how we can stay
it feels like I am suffocating
i need to breathe
please stop trying to change the way
I am
I am me
I am trying me best
not to fail the rest
The chaos around me is so loud
All I want is to feel proud
proud of the mom I have become
and proud of the individual I am
I want you to be proud
I want you to feel joy 
when you think of me
And then the dark thoughts creep in
what is there to be proud of?
I did well in high school 
made good grades
never went to college 
and look what Ive made
I've been divorced and now live at home
I have no job 
just hidden talent
the thoughts fade and I always know
it will be okay
One day I won't say
such things
because I will know in my heart
I did alright
she will be just fine 
and so will I
as long as we have each other
all the other things won't be a bother





Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Curve Ball

Back in July, life threw a curveball and I wound up pregnant, quite surprisingly, again. You know when society (and the box it comes in) says the morning after pill works as long as you take it within 72 hours? Well, I took it 12 hours later and it didn’t work. I thought I was being responsible for preventing pregnancy and it turns out life had other plans, and that’s okay. But those of you who would implode if they got pregnant, NEVER use plan B/ the morning after pill. I did some research and found if you ovulate within that window before you take the pill, it essentially becomes ineffective if there are some strong swimmers in there. So $40 later that tiny little thing was pointless. I was about 4 weeks along the process when I figured out what was happening. My period was late, which it had been for the last 5 months due to stress I presume, but something inside me said it wasn’t just a late period. I had an old test lying around. It was about 6am and I decided to take it before my...
1 comment
Read more

Targeting the Girls

  Hey Target I’m calling you out. Can you please explain to me your little girl's section? Why does the majority look like 90s clothing from a TEEN movie? For 5-12-year-olds to wear? Why should this age group be encouraged to wear a pencil skirt or a skin-tight dress? What about the cropped tops? In what world should a 5-12-year-old be encouraged to wear a bustier-styled top? Or a dress with netting? It is sad to say in THIS world.   Dear Target you are a part of the problem with society. TARGETING the children. Making 10-year-olds dress like young adults with hemlines far shorter than a 5-12-year-old should wear. Hemlines and necklines that teens and 20 something’s are wearing to go out. Styles are far too identical to the “juniors” section, once again, targeting teens and young adults. So now the style from 5-20 something’s are the same? I was almost struggling to differentiate little girls from the lady’s section. There are dress styles you would find women wearing while wa...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Rose

And like that I was captivated. His delicate touch and warm hands were a sort of comfort to me. We drove in his car for a while. I could feel the life running through my veins. Something I can’t say I had ever experienced until that very moment.  Although it was cold outside I did not feel cold. Not this time. No, this time I felt loved and that was all the warmth I needed. I could see it in those beautiful brown eyes. The drive felt like a dream in which I never wanted to cease my slumber. It was as though everything around us disappeared and all that mattered was this picturesque journey we had embarked on and the two of us.  As he pulled up to the curb he kindly sent me to the back seat and got out of the car. Moments later a beautiful woman sat in the front seat. As I carefully watched the two, their smiles captured my mind and captivated my body leaving me breathless. Listening to them talk to one another was on of the loveliest things I had ever heard. It was that mo...
Post a Comment
Read more