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Noise

Inside my head I'm screaming

the noise never stops
I am tired of feeling like an issue
tissue after tissue I cry
they think to themselves
why why why?
They place ideas and concepts
on who they want me to be
or who they think I am
They are so scared 
they don't even see the real me
standing right here
being open and honest and real
I try to tell them how I feel
And all of a sudden
before I can finish
these things are an issue
I am not doing anything wrong
I am trying my best to stay so strong
I have a beautiful daughter
who matters to me most
and even that is put into question
I am starting to feel more lost 
I am closing
the walls feel like they are caving
they don't even see what I am craving
I want to be close
I want them to know
who I am and want to be
or at least help while I am on the way there
I feel scared
I want to raise her 
while also succeeding
how can I do both?
we need to get away
I don't know how we can stay
it feels like I am suffocating
i need to breathe
please stop trying to change the way
I am
I am me
I am trying me best
not to fail the rest
The chaos around me is so loud
All I want is to feel proud
proud of the mom I have become
and proud of the individual I am
I want you to be proud
I want you to feel joy 
when you think of me
And then the dark thoughts creep in
what is there to be proud of?
I did well in high school 
made good grades
never went to college 
and look what Ive made
I've been divorced and now live at home
I have no job 
just hidden talent
the thoughts fade and I always know
it will be okay
One day I won't say
such things
because I will know in my heart
I did alright
she will be just fine 
and so will I
as long as we have each other
all the other things won't be a bother





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