Look At This Madness

Dating someone for the first time after a terrible break up can be fun yet also terrifying. After splitting with my daughter's father I took a year to focus on my daughter and me and remained male free (well mostly).  After the year was up a guy I had previously dated found his way back into my life and we started back up again. I had no walls, no second thoughts, no lock on my heart. He was pretty good with my daughter. Never harsh with her, just shy and mildly uninvolved. I figured he would adjust. It felt like we had a future, after all, we had dated before. I wasn't scared. I gave him all of me and in return, months later he said he never saw a future for us because my daughter was not his. To say it bluntly, DICK MOVE. It hurt. I can't imagine stringing someone along for months only to tell them it was never going to work because of an innocent child not being theres. My daughter and I are much better off without him, to say the least. Unfortunately, this one left ...

When you have a baby, talking to yourself becomes a normal thing Why does everyone say they hate the smell of spit up? Her (or his) first words were "hi" and "mama".....yes, she was only 2 months old at the time, but it happened That whitish stain on you see everyday on my shoulder, thats called a name tag, it says "Mom" My baby is the cutest on the planet, obviously Completing a manicure yourself might mean you were only able to finish one hand What does it mean to sleep through the night again? Baby giggles are the best sound on the entire planet To your boobs: "Who are you two and why do you look like that?" At least your arms are looking nice and toned

As a mom who focuses on her baby more than anything, I am forgetful, and at times, clumsy, from trying to juggle a one year old and everything else happening around me. The day to visit my storage unit and drop off a baby walker, some baby toys, outgrown clothes and bouncer has arrived. Baby Ella is turning into her own little person who walks and moves around NON-STOP. We arrive and she is fussing from being in her car seat. I get her out of the carseat, unlock my unit, and set the lock on the ground. Baby Ella picks up the lock and looks up at me and smiles, as she continues her walking. Unloading the car, I get caught up looking at her tiny newborn clothes, not realizing she has dropped the lock on the ground, before coming over to hug my leg. Turning around I nearly trip over the lock while holding my daughter and the walker, and end up kicking the lock under a dresser and into the abyss that is my storage unit. SO, the one thing owners are missing in their...

Let's be real, plastic has formed a case towards being extremely negative on the environment. Not only is plastic non biodegradable, but it actually breaks down into smaller and smaller pieces entering our oceans and even the food and beverages Americans are consuming. Right now the sea life is taking a pretty big hit. I came across a video in which a straw had been stuck in a sea turtle's nostril. This made me think about every straw I have ever used and where it ended up. The results are devastating. On average, lets say you use just one straw a day. That turns into 365 straws a year, 1,825 straws every 5 years, and 29,200 straws over the course of 80 years. It's time to talk 'strawlternatives' (straw alternatives): 1. REUSABLE. Rather than throwing away straw after straw after straw after straw, (you get the idea) reuse one straw for a few days, the week, or even purchase a non throw away straw made of a thicker (preferably recyclable) plastic, g...

And like that I was captivated. His delicate touch and warm hands were a sort of comfort to me. We drove in his car for a while. I could feel the life running through my veins. Something I can’t say I had ever experienced until that very moment.  Although it was cold outside I did not feel cold. Not this time. No, this time I felt loved and that was all the warmth I needed. I could see it in those beautiful brown eyes. The drive felt like a dream in which I never wanted to cease my slumber. It was as though everything around us disappeared and all that mattered was this picturesque journey we had embarked on and the two of us.  As he pulled up to the curb he kindly sent me to the back seat and got out of the car. Moments later a beautiful woman sat in the front seat. As I carefully watched the two, their smiles captured my mind and captivated my body leaving me breathless. Listening to them talk to one another was on of the loveliest things I had ever heard. It was that mo...

Talk about madness, since my last post, I: -Dyed my hair blue -Moved to Washington from California -Dyed my hair reddish brown -Started working at Michaels Arts and Crafts Store -Found out I was pregnant -Moved back to California -Dyed my hair blonde -Got married to the love of my life -Moved into a 3 bedroom house -Started an Ebay account that I have high hopes for And now my days consist of: -Baby feet kicking my ribs and other organs, like my bladder -Baby clothes -Grocery shopping and cooking -Painting signs on old planks of wood -Trying to find as many people to do henna on as I can -Cleaning the house -Running errands -Selling anything I have on apps -Working for my mom So whether you read all of those or not, my following blog posts will be about the madness that is being a wife, cooking, and a soon to be mother and around July 8, when baby Ella is due, about being a stay at home mom. Heads up, I know absolutely nothing of babies, I have never really b...

HATE: 1. Watching rom-coms is actually kind of depressing 2. Suddenly the only people I notice are in fact couples 3. Everyone but me seems to be in a relationship 4. I miss the butterflies 5. My dog is the one who gives me comfort 6. I have to spoon with my dog at night 8. I am stuck kissing my dog's forehead 9. I am stuck holding my dog's paw 10. My dog 11. Practically every song ever created is about love 12. Am I going to wind up a spinster? 13. While my sister already has a wedding fund I'm...oh yeah, single 14. I can't exactly go on double dates... yet 15. I miss really knowing someone 16. Lack of raw conversation with a significant other 17. After talking about how wonderful someone is and making sure the world knows it, only to find out Mr. Wonderful was lying the whole time and now everyone is bound to find out you're single again 18. I know who I am and I know my story but jeez, I can't imagine what people think of me - "Oh wow,...

I'm scared to fail - to try so hard only to have arrived no where I'm scared to lose passion - to want so much but not accomplish a thing I'm scared to lose direction - to feel lost in an overwhelming sea of chaos I'm scared to lose someone - to have death hit me harder than anything ever has I'm scared to cease existing - to disappear into a cold oblivion of nowhere I'm scared to not love enough to wake up one day and realize I should've loved harder I believe in success - in the fact I can do anything I put my mind to I believe in passion - in wanting something so much you'll accomplish it I believe in direction - in the fact I am along the road of prosperity I believe in appreciation - in appreciating people and who they are in your life I believe in living - in living life to the fullest and taking the road less traveled I believe in cherishing - in treasuring especially those close to your heart