Look At This Madness

What have I done I'm feeling so down When will this end When will my life begin I feel so trapped My head is screaming The voices all around There's so much sound What will I be? What will I do? Go left, go write Which one is right? "Creative doesn't pay" "Medical is needed" "Sell this for me" "Why isn't it working?" "I need a painter" "Do what's best for you" What is best for me? Who am I anymore So long self identity I used to know I used to believe There used to be hope Now I just hope it ends What is the point? Live to work Send off your love Hello baby sitter My heart is hers And oh does it hurt To know to survive There must be so much sacrifice Am I wasted potential? How do I believe? I want to believe in me I want to see What am I meant for? What am I meant to do? More than just struggle? More than be a mother? More than this shitty room? In this shitty house...

Inside my head I'm screaming the noise never stops I am tired of feeling like an issue tissue after tissue I cry they think to themselves why why why? They place ideas and concepts on who they want me to be or who they think I am They are so scared  they don't even see the real me standing right here being open and honest and real I try to tell them how I feel And all of a sudden before I can finish these things are an issue I am not doing anything wrong I am trying my best to stay so strong I have a beautiful daughter who matters to me most and even that is put into question I am starting to feel more lost  I am closing the walls feel like they are caving they don't even see what I am craving I want to be close I want them to know who I am and want to be or at least help while I am on the way there I feel scared I want to raise her  while also succeeding how can I do both? we need to get away I don...

As a mom who focuses on her baby more than anything, I am forgetful, and at times, clumsy, from trying to juggle a one year old and everything else happening around me. The day to visit my storage unit and drop off a baby walker, some baby toys, outgrown clothes and bouncer has arrived. Baby Ella is turning into her own little person who walks and moves around NON-STOP. We arrive and she is fussing from being in her car seat. I get her out of the carseat, unlock my unit, and set the lock on the ground. Baby Ella picks up the lock and looks up at me and smiles, as she continues her walking. Unloading the car, I get caught up looking at her tiny newborn clothes, not realizing she has dropped the lock on the ground, before coming over to hug my leg. Turning around I nearly trip over the lock while holding my daughter and the walker, and end up kicking the lock under a dresser and into the abyss that is my storage unit. SO, the one thing owners are missing in their...