"Well the good news is, there's a baby in there"

I had been getting a severe pain in my lower abdomen for a few days, to the point I felt I was going to pass out. It was terrible. At the time I was living in Washington with Matt and I didn't have access to a regular doctor's appointment because the closest Kaiser was in Oregon. The only option was to go to an emergency room but I didn't think something like this would be serious enough, so I put it off a few more days.

Stress got the best of me in those few days. What if it were a cyst or worse, cancer?! I guess you could say I am a worry wart. So one night after I got off of work at Michael's we finally decided it was time for me to get checked out. We get to the Emergency room and they ask me a list of questions. "Is there a chance you are pregnant?" I didn't think so. One in a million chance. "Have you been bleeding?" I just got off of an 11 day period. 

Next thing I know they roll me on over to get an ultra sound and as the tech getting the goo and "checking things out" he says, "Well the good news is, there's a baby in there." My immediate reaction was to laugh and crack jokes for the remainder of time with the Ultra sound tech - all while I felt confused and astonished. The last thing I said to him was if he ever wanted a discount at Michael's just to look for me. He said most women never want to see him again after that. 

It didn't seem real that another little human being was being formed inside of me. I was never angry or upset but the next few days were filled with more anxiety than I think I've ever had. What was I going to tell my mom and my sister? One of the last things I told Matt's parents before we left to Washington was that they could trust me. Next thing we knew, I'm pregnant with their future grandchild and my future daughter. I called my Nana first. I was scared sick to call me mom and my Nana managed to make me feel ten times better about the whole thing. SO sitting in the Target parking lot I called my mom and told her the news. She started crying and kind of laughing assuring me it was going to be okay. 

And it was. Ella is the light of my life and the light in so many other's lives. One thing for sure though, being pregnant for me wasn't east. It was hard. I spent the whole pregnancy feeling miserable and undeserving of this little baby. I dealt with depression and feeling ashamed. I did not flaunt my pregnant belly but tried hiding it for as long as I could. At 6 months along I was still managing to hide the bump. In the end, all the tears, shame and hiding was not worth it. But of course you gain knowledge and understanding with experience. As for now, I will show my little girl off to the word because I obviously have the most amazing and beautiful daughter on the planet.