It's no lie, most of us know I have dated, talked to, and "girl-friended" a lot of guys. And for what? Because I can't stand to be alone? Because I like the attention? Because I want to figure out what I want in a future spouse? Because it's fun and I get tired of the last one?The truth is, I believe everyone deserves a chance. Naturally, I am a bubbly individual and as one of my friends said, I am also a "boy magnet." Keep in mind I say that as humbly as humble gets. I don't know why, I can't help it - guys enter my life as easily as change goes in a jar. I enjoy talking to people and generally get a long better with guys (I feel there is a shortage of females in Riverside) yet at the same time, I have lost a lot of friends because they begin liking me past just being friends.
Looking at love-life past, I would only consider two relationships to be serious. One two years and the other a year and a half. Aside from that, some were flings - we had a good time together and then it was over, no hard feelings. Some were one sided - I opened up the opportunity of possibility and then realized we weren't compatible. The only problem is that they didn't view eye to eye with me. One because I was too weak and ignorant to realize how disrespectful, rude, and all the negative adjectives you can think of, he was. To this day, Im still not sure what I was thinking. Another was the opposite of one sided where I thought everything was fine when really, him and I were on two very different levels of understanding. When it gets down to it I have two major flaws: 1. I will open up the opportunity of possibility to just about any guy who pursues communication with me. 2. When it hits me that we would make better friends or nothing at all, I don't like to hurt people and convince myself it is all okay. - It is only just recently I realize I cannot and will not do that any more.
It's also no lie, I have made A LOT of mistakes with love-life past. I have hurt A LOT of guys. I have also learned A LOT however. I have learned that I know what I deserve and shouldn't settle for anything less. I have learned to not convince myself of anything and seriously look at the situation from a logical perspective. I have learned dragging things out to make it "easier" only makes it harder. I have learned that leading a guy on to prevent hurting him is HORRIBLE and only hurts him more in the long run. I have learned that if I can't completely be myself around him then I can't be with him. I have learned I can't force things to work when they really aren't. I have learned that I really shouldn't give every single guy a chance right away because I should get to know him first. I have learned to be clear with intentions and that communication should be held in one the highest respect. I have learned all of these things and A LOT more.
Cutting it down, my relationships have also been because I'm figuring out the aspects I want and don't want in someone. I like a guy who's more logically based because then we level each other out. I like a guy who can be weird and strange and who I can completely be myself around. I could keep going on but I'll stop there. SO, NO, I don't get into relationships because I am lonely. NO, it's not because I feel the need to constantly have a guy by my side giving me attention. NO, its not out of boredom. NO it's not because I have "daddy issues." NO I don't need a boyfriend or a guy in my life at all. I know exactly who I am as an individual, I am not Paige plus one. I am Paige. I live life to it's fullest, making the right choices, and at times the bad choices, but most importantly I'm learning from mistakes a long the way. I give every one a chance because we are all just people forming relations and I'd hate to miss out on a good experience.
I believe all people come into our lives for a reason. If someone doesn't fall into our life then it obviously wasn't meant to be. Some people walk around questioning why they are still single, others questioning why they aren't single - some learning from their own mistakes, and others learning form everyone else's mistakes. Because we are all unique we can all handle different situations life throws at us. God would never "throw"
more at us then we can handle and when it gets down to it, I learn from my own mistakes to help out all the people who learn from everyone else's mistakes.
Moving on to love-life present, I feel content. I am currently single, however, there is someone in my life who I have a really good feeling about. The way he makes me feel is indescribable, it's like I can actually breathe when we are together (if I'm not laughing uncontrollably). I haven't laughed this much in ages and I constantly find myself smiling at just the thought of him. Talking on the phone is almost disappointing because I just want to see his handsome, bright face. I love how he is weird and strange but makes me happy to be me because I am just as weird and strange. (Sorry if that sentence is semi-confusing, like I've said before, it all makes sense in my head). With him I can be who I want to be with no regrets. I feel incredibly joyful and blessed to know someone as great as him and since we have been spending more time together, life has begun to make more sense. Before I was caught up in foamy and rolling waves but now I'm swimming in clear waters and enjoying the breeze.
What's left is love-life future. I can honestly say I am not worried about it. Here's to enjoying the breeze.
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