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Not So Easy

If you had asked me how my first year of marriage is going a month ago, I would've said "It's so easy, I love it." Now, however, although I still love it, being married is not easy.

It always sounds better when I mention the fact I've known Matt since I was 15 years old but in all honesty I haven't. Sure we went to the same high school and had the same teachers but we were the farthest thing from friends and quite frankly, I wanted nothing to do with him if he was the kind of guy to date the kind of girl he was dating back then. I never got along with kids my own age because of the fact they act like kids. I've always dated someone older than me with the exception of my husband who is 6 months younger. As the scientists say, girls mature faster than boys - this statement I still find to be incredibly true.

The truth is, mine and Matts first date was July 10, 2016. A few months later I became pregnant most likely the first or second time we slept together. We now have a baby due July 8, 2017. Talk about moving fast, am I right? Neither one of us was ready to get married and right now it feels like neither one of us is ready to be a parent. We are both so scared.

In the last month, Matt and I moved into a new apartment that for a long list of reasons, is terrible and an unhealthy living environment, especially for a baby. Two weeks after living in the apartment, we were ready to give our 30 day notice but because we still aren't sure where we are going to live after, we have postponed handing in the notice. Lately it feels every time we take a step forward it is then followed by two steps back. It's been incredibly stressful for both of us, especially considering I am just over 35 weeks pregnant.

With all these blatant truths I would like to note that although being a young married couple that practically had an arranged marriage is hard, I love my husband more than I've ever loved anyone and it brings me the greatest feeling having him know me like no one ever has. Most of the time we are pretty great together and I wouldn't change that for the world - just like I wouldn't change my Ella for anything, even being scared to death of having a baby.

I know the life I have chosen will not be easy but I know my baby girl will be my pride and joy and I can hardly wait to meet her. I have a feeling she'll be a feisty one. It's hard having a 20 year old male try to understand you when they know nothing of what it is to carry a baby. The other downfall is I have pregnancy induced depression so for the past eight months I've pretty much felt like crap 90% of the time. I do not understand the phrase, "I love being pregnant."

On a final note, I'd recommend dating longer than a few months before getting married. One of the hardest aspects has been the fact Matt was an only child who was spoiled whereas I have two other siblings and we were never spoiled regularly. Matt and I had polar opposite upbringings and because of that we have very different views of the world. I wish the best of luck to any young married couple and my advice for today, never go to sleep angry with each other.


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