Skip to main content

Laughing At My Own Stupidity

Back in high school I was good at being fake. I was good at acting as though everything was okay. I was good at putting a smile on my face and being confident. I was good at caking on makeup and making sure to dress as fashionably as possible. I was good at being someone I wasn't.

All along, I was hurting. My parents marriage was falling apart, I was a young and dumb teenager going through changes and making poor decisions. I was insecure because I allowed boys to control the way I saw myself. I sought out approval from any guy that gave me attention, I had no real friends, I felt alone, and self-loathing.

What a terrible waste of time.

In middle school I was happy, legitimately confident and outgoing. I loved talking to everyone. At 15
I started dating the guy I had practically been in love with since I was 8. Over the course of the following year and a half, I broke. The me everyone knew was gone. Not only did I blame myself but I internalized every negative emotion which lead the way for a bumpy road ahead. The way I saw it, the fact he was dealing with depression was my fault. He said I didn't know how to smile and made me feel like I could never do anything right. Slowly my life spiraled into a disaster. No one knew anything.

Now I'm here - and let me tell you, "here" has a long road behind it. I know who I am and want to be. I am light hearted, caring and laughing is still one of my favorite things. I am blunt and to the point which can come off as harsh but I don't mean to be . Spontaneity and adventure are keys to living. I am real. I am me.

However, I am also working at a crappy job that I hate and living in a city that I swore I'd move away from after high school. I am unhappy with the fact that I am still here and the fact that I did not pursue my dream of moving away. I visited Washington 2 years ago and from the moment I left I said I would move there. I even looked at schools but never finished any applications. What am I doing with my life? Near to nothing at the moment. It's about time that changes.

My point, enjoy high school. Make friends, talk to someone you can trust, go out and do things, chant at the pep rallies and go to school dances. No one even asked me to prom so I didn't go. Now I realize it was a missed opportunity. I missed SO MANY opportunities to have fun that I look back now and hate high school.

Do what makes you happy, go where you want to be. Stop letting the world - whether it be your job, parents, or even money - hold you back. The body can accomplish anything you put it's mind to.

Allow your passion to live through you, not in you - and most importantly, be yourself along the way.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Saftey Hazards Aren't Always A Bad Thing

As much as I’d love for the house to be pristine at all hours of the day, it isn’t. And recently, I’ve learned that this is perfectly OK. Just five years ago, I refused to go to sleep unless the house looked flawless and the sink was completely empty. Every surface had to be wiped down, every toy put away, every last dish cleaned. Now, we go to sleep most nights with a sink full of dishes and at least one part of the house in total disarray. Sometimes it’s a carefully arranged doll village set up in my room. Other times it’s glitter and tiny cut-up pieces of paper scattered across the playroom floor, a fort taking over the living room, or some wildly elaborate animal-and-blanket fortress creeping up the stairs. And honestly? That’s okay. On the bright side, the sink is full of dishes because we ate good food together. The doll village exists because my daughters are creating stories, imagining family dynamics, and bonding as sisters. The glitter and scraps of paper mean they’re experim...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Perfect Man

  I’m pretty sure I just saw the man of my dreams… And now he’s gone… Forever. I was at the post office getting money orders when a handsome cowboy walks in right behind me.   He had a nice brown cowboy hat, blue button up shirt, some rather nice fitting jeans and boots, of course. At that moment I realized something….. I should probably start dressing better. I was wearing a Lion King sweatshirt with black cutoff shorts and sandals. Not even cute sandals, they were basically slides but for a boat. If that makes sense. I stood there in line, trying to look as confident and pretty as possible, but you can only be so pretty with your hair in a bun wearing a sweatshirt and grungy shorts.   I made attempts to steal glances at him, but he didn’t notice. It wasn’t long until I was called up to the cashier and was then having to socialize with the cashier while he printed my money orders.   The cowboy was right beside me with the other teller and all I could do was try to s...
Post a Comment
Read more

Targeting the Girls

  Hey Target I’m calling you out. Can you please explain to me your little girl's section? Why does the majority look like 90s clothing from a TEEN movie? For 5-12-year-olds to wear? Why should this age group be encouraged to wear a pencil skirt or a skin-tight dress? What about the cropped tops? In what world should a 5-12-year-old be encouraged to wear a bustier-styled top? Or a dress with netting? It is sad to say in THIS world.   Dear Target you are a part of the problem with society. TARGETING the children. Making 10-year-olds dress like young adults with hemlines far shorter than a 5-12-year-old should wear. Hemlines and necklines that teens and 20 something’s are wearing to go out. Styles are far too identical to the “juniors” section, once again, targeting teens and young adults. So now the style from 5-20 something’s are the same? I was almost struggling to differentiate little girls from the lady’s section. There are dress styles you would find women wearing while wa...
Post a Comment
Read more