Look At This Madness

Being a mom is not knowing if that's food or baby poop stained on my jeans Being a mom is not caring about the spit up that forever lives on my clothes Being a mom is having people harshly stare when I hold my baby as though I'm to young to be a mom Being a mom is having people talk about how cute my baby is when grandma (otherwise known as MeMe) holds her Being a mom is people telling me I shouldn't drink coffee if I'm nursing  Being a mom is going to Starbucks every morning from waking up every 2 hours to nurse  Being a mom is sometimes forgetting to stop to think about you  Being a mom is caring for a little person like you never have before  Being a mom is having someone say it's to bad I'm so young  Being a mom is hearing how adorable my baby is, which I couldn't agree more Being a mom is sometimes caring what other people think Being a mom is not caring what people think  Being a mom is having an aching back and hands  Being a mom is getting a ...

My beautiful daughter, Ella Sylvia, was born on 7 - 7 - 17 at 9:55 pm weighing 6 pounds, 15 ounces at 20 and a quarter inches long. It has been 12 days and so far I've come to learn a few things I hadn't otherwise known. 1. Mother instincts are real. It wasn't until my own baby that I actually had a "thing" for babies. Before Ella they were just these little animatronic type creatures that cried and needed diaper changes. Now that I have my own little creature, she's so much more than that. She's my life, my joy, my little bean and all in all, these first 12 days have been SO MUCH easier than I ever thought they would be. 2. Diaper changes aren't bad AT ALL! Not going to lie, it took me a good three or four days to change a diaper all by myself - my first diaper change ever, might I add. My husband was thankfully right on top of changing her whereas I was merely an observant bystander for the first few days. 3. Once the milk comes in, your boob...

The other day I had an appointment with a couple at five o'clock to discuss dog sitting. At four thirty I was on my way home to take a nap completely forgetting the appointment. I woke up at six o'clock to see her text, "I'll be at my house in five minutes" - sent an hour ago. Half asleep I call her and apologize greatly and explain that with this pregnancy brain of mine I totally forgot. She was not upset and I let her know I would be at her house in about 20 minutes. Frantically I grab my purse, spend two seconds looking in the mirror and head to my car. As I'm getting out of my car in front of their house I realize I have also forgotten to put my bra back on. The entire time I held my arms up holding my phone and resting on the top of my baby bump trying to conceal any chance of visible nipple. Not only am I pretty sure they noticed and avoided looking any lower than my face, but I left feeling totally mortified and still having to take care of their ...

If you had asked me how my first year of marriage is going a month ago, I would've said "It's so easy, I love it." Now, however, although I still love it, being married is not easy. It always sounds better when I mention the fact I've known Matt since I was 15 years old but in all honesty I haven't. Sure we went to the same high school and had the same teachers but we were the farthest thing from friends and quite frankly, I wanted nothing to do with him if he was the kind of guy to date the kind of girl he was dating back then. I never got along with kids my own age because of the fact they act like kids. I've always dated someone older than me with the exception of my husband who is 6 months younger. As the scientists say, girls mature faster than boys - this statement I still find to be incredibly true. The truth is, mine and Matts first date was July 10, 2016. A few months later I became pregnant most likely the first or second time we slept toge...

Talk about madness, since my last post, I: -Dyed my hair blue -Moved to Washington from California -Dyed my hair reddish brown -Started working at Michaels Arts and Crafts Store -Found out I was pregnant -Moved back to California -Dyed my hair blonde -Got married to the love of my life -Moved into a 3 bedroom house -Started an Ebay account that I have high hopes for And now my days consist of: -Baby feet kicking my ribs and other organs, like my bladder -Baby clothes -Grocery shopping and cooking -Painting signs on old planks of wood -Trying to find as many people to do henna on as I can -Cleaning the house -Running errands -Selling anything I have on apps -Working for my mom So whether you read all of those or not, my following blog posts will be about the madness that is being a wife, cooking, and a soon to be mother and around July 8, when baby Ella is due, about being a stay at home mom. Heads up, I know absolutely nothing of babies, I have never really b...

Back in high school I was good at being fake. I was good at acting as though everything was okay. I was good at putting a smile on my face and being confident. I was good at caking on makeup and making sure to dress as fashionably as possible. I was good at being someone I wasn't. All along, I was hurting. My parents marriage was falling apart, I was a young and dumb teenager going through changes and making poor decisions. I was insecure because I allowed boys to control the way I saw myself. I sought out approval from any guy that gave me attention, I had no real friends, I felt alone, and self-loathing. What a terrible waste of time. In middle school I was happy, legitimately confident and outgoing. I loved talking to everyone. At 15 I started dating the guy I had practically been in love with since I was 8. Over the course of the following year and a half, I broke. The me everyone knew was gone. Not only did I blame myself but I internalized every negative emotion which ...

They had lunch last week. Despite a minor feud that had been going on over the last few months they were talking on the phone every night and having lunch or dinner at least twice a week just as they always had. After all, they were not only brothers but the best of friends. Both of them thought they were hilarious when most of the time they were really just hilarious to each other. Bill understood Scott and Scott understood Bill, two peas in a pod. Though best friends they had their differences. Bill knew nothing of technology while Scott was always curious about the new bluetooth speaker or cell phone gadgets. Bill wore Crocs or Uggs and owned a mobile home park in the mountains, Scott dressed a bit more classy and owned a precision and alignment shop in Redlands.  They would stay up late talking and joking around on the phone. No one could make them laugh the way they made each other laugh. They talked to each other in a way they could never talk to any one; they could b...