Look At This Madness

Yesterday I was at work going through old pictures on my laptop. there were two things that happened. First, I began to morn the loss of my long hair. I questioned why I kept damaging my precious locks with bleach and hair die only to have to chop it off in the end. In short my hair journey goes like this: Once upon a time, highlights, more highlights, red hair dye, more red hair day, bleach, bleach, bleach, brown hair dye and this Monday, more brown hair dye. Not a very nice story is it? Anyway, the second thing I noticed were the differences in pictures of me then and now. Was I happier back then? Have I simply just gotten older and the spry young face I had has it's womanly aspects now? As pathetic as it sounds, I began to question my own happiness. What was making the difference in the photographs? I came across one in particular and thought how much I didn't like it because I looked so happy. What happened? Or did nothing happen at all? This is what I've concluded.

Can we ever just live? Why is it so many people feed off of: 1. doing things behind others backs 2. tearing others down because of jealousy 3. competition 4. evil craving to be "top dog" 5. not being happy for other's success Seriously, the list goes on. What is it to "just live" any way? 1. finding joy or positivity despite "negative" circumstances 2. being happy for other's success 3. the desire to try your best to be successful instead of knocking others down to get there 4. Be positively aware of others, not negatively aware 5. be kind, be friendly, be joyful, be peaceful... Take a look around and BE thankful for the life you have. If you're still not happy, do something about it that doesn't involve maleficent intentions. I have really not had any drama in my life because I refuse to feed on it. Instead, I feed off of positivity. Frankly, it's not worth my time to plot against those who starve without a stimulus of ne

"America has a thick sugar coating while the inside is rotten. I truly miss my country. If you ever go to LA you need to try a Peruvian restaurant called Piccca - you will understand why I love my country so much. " She had her daughter with her. One of the most well behaved girls her age I have ever seen. She had an older daughter, 23 years old, as well. "My eldest daughter is beautiful but I taught her not to focus on that, men focus on that. Beauty is just a moment." She spoke using hand gestures and every thing she said was with great wisdom. Life had not been a breeze. In Peru she had come from a political family. "My uncle was very political. He thought like John Kennedy but the government does not like people who think as such. He was killed. My family and I went to France to save our lives. Because we supported a democracy they said go to the United States and once in the United States they stamped the very same day. All because we said democracy."

After a good cry there are two things that stand out. The ringing in your ears from the pressure in your face and feeling emotionless yet feeling all the pain at the same time. It almost creates an eerie feel. The world disappears and all that's left are the thoughts racing through your mind and an almost completely still body. Each breath is long and weak. Did all those tears actually help or just make a bigger mess?